(Source: whoaliz)
| Tracy: | My own children are ashamed of me! |
|---|---|
| Kenneth: | That's ridiculous! Everyone knows the only thing we should be ashamed of is our bodies. |
”
My mother always told me that, even when things seem bad, there’s someone else who’s having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee, or getting a splinter, or being chained to a wall in someone’s sex dungeon.
Kenneth Parcell (via nerdxlife)
(Source: willarose)
(via vontrapps)
My favorite.
(Source: sabney)
(Source: mrgilmore)
| Kenneth: | You have several messages. That company running the bike tour in North Carolina says no singles. |
|---|---|
| Liz: | Ok. |
| Kenneth: | Your credit card company called, they wanted to make sure your the one buying cream soda in bulk. |
| Liz: | I sure am. |
| Kenneth: | And your landlord called. He said, "it is not the toilet, it is you." |
| Liz: | Thats his opinion. |
